صراع بين ذاكرتين

لا ادري بالتحديد من هو ذاك الشخص العبقري الذي اخترع فكرة وجود الضفة الغربية وقطاع غزة. لفترة ليست بقليلة كان حالي حال أبناء جيلي, مقتنعة تمام القناعة بأن المنطقة الجغرافية التي أعيش فيها هي الجزء الغربي المحاذي لنهر الأردن لتصبح فيما بعد " الضفة الغربية"

 كانت قراءتي الأولى لرواية الإنسان " مريد البرغوثي"  ولدت هنا, ولدت هناك بمثابة قطرة غيث أنقذتني من براثن الضياع بين المصطلحات السياسية التي أودت بنا إلى الجحيم أو سموه كما شئتم.

حينما قرأت المقطع التالي لم أشعر بالخجل من نفسي فقط وإنما الضياع والغربة في وطني

" فأي تفكير جهنمي أدى إلى أن يسمى " شرق فلسطين" " الضفة الغربية" ؟

" تفتح خارطة فلسطين التاريخية فتجدها تقع بين البحر الأبيض المتوسط غربا ونهر الأردن شرقا. احتلت العصابات الصهيونية فلسطين الغربية الواقعة على ساحل البحر الأبيض المتوسط فلجأ بعض سكانه إلى فلسطين الشرقية الممتدة حتى نهر الأردن. ولأن المطلوب محو اسم فلسطين من الخريطة ومن التاريخ ومن الذاكرة, نسبت هذه المنطقة إلى نهر الأردن فسميت باللغة العربية وبكل لغات العالم " الضفة الغربية" وهكذا اختفى اسم فلسطين نهائيا من كل خرائط الدنيا.

فإذا كان غرب البلاد أصبح اسمه " إسرائيل" وشرقها أصبح اسمه " الضفة الغربية" فأين تقع فلسطين ؟

هكذا, لكي تضيع فلسطين أرضا كان يجب أن تضيع لغة أيضا.

وأنا كلما سمعت كلمة " الضفة الغربية أفكر بخطورة التلوث اللغوي المقصود الذي أدى بالفعل إلى اغتيال اسم " فلسطين". رواية ولدت هنا ,ولدت هناك  - الفصل السابع – ساراماغو

كلما قرأت هذه الكلمات ازداد خجلي من نفسي ومن جيل الببغاوات الذي انتمي إليه, ربما أنا لا انتمي إليه ألان,  لأنني ضقت ذرعا بترديد ترديد شعارات وكلمات كالببغاوات من دون أدنى فهم لما تحتويه هذه الكلمات والشعارات من مصائب وأهوال.

في الواقع أود تقديم الاعتذار من الببغاوات وذلك عما بدر من سرقة غير مبررة لحقوقهم في ترديد ما يسمعونه من غير وعي ولا إدراك. أعتذر نيابة عن أبناء جيلي عما بدر منا من إساءة إليكم وذلك عبر ترديدنا الدائم لشعارات سياسية لا ندرك معناها ولا خطورتها.نحن لم نسئ لأنفسنا ووطنا فقط بل وللببغاوات أيضا, يا لها من مهزلة تقشعر لها العقول وليس الأبدان فقط.  

لا أدري ما الذي تحمله لنا الأيام القادمة من أهوال ومصائب, فحين ولدت وجدت نفسي أعيش فيما يسمى منطقة "يهودا والسامرة " وبعدها بسنوات استيقظت لأجد نفسي أعيش فيما يسمى الضفة الغربية , ولم أدرك أنني أعيش في شرق فلسطين إلا حديثا وبالصدفة المحضة. أي زمان هذا الذي يجعلني اكتشف مكان سكني الحقيقي بالصدفة المحضة ؟

كل ما أتمناه هو العيش في " فلسطين " بعيدا عن المسميات السياسية التي جعلت من قطاع غزة وكأنه على المريخ ونحتاج لمعجزة إلهية للوصول إليه. أليس هذا هو الظلم بعينه يا بني البشر؟

Eid's Diary (The Unfinished Part)

Unfortunately, my Eid did not have any chance to enjoy and celebrate the joy of Eid. He spent his Eid vacation in ER to get rid of the tough fever that he got from no place, but from grief.

He had no chance to talk or to write about Eid in his Homeland. He cried because he spent his Eid alone in ER missing his father.

His pencil was broken as well as his heart. My Eid had no chance to complete his diary.

Eid's Diary – Part One

Eid's Diary – Part One

Here we go. This year My Eid decided to write his diary and share it with others. My Eid wants to talk about all aspects of Eid from his point of view. Until now, I do not know the exact age of my Eid. Some times, I feel he is five years old and some times, I feel he is a hundred years.  My Eid wants to understand, because the minute he would be able to understand, he would be the happiest man in the world. My Eid always argues with his mother and I.  He always asks about his father. He wants his father to be with him to celebrate the joy of Eid together.

Sometimes Eid makes me anger; his endless questions drive me crazy. Last night he asked me "where his father…is?"  I shouted and said "go to your bed, or you will be punished. "He cried all night as well as his mother. They made my mood very bad.  Whenever I decide to spend the Eid Vacation with them, I regret.  Both are not used to live without a father. I do nothing , just shouting and complicating the matter. However, they are very nice to be with them and have amazing memories. 

Eid wants to live a true moment of joy with his father and mother. His parents are not divorced. They got married in 2005. They were the coolest couple I saw in my life. Suddenly, the father became part of the past. He became part of our sad memories, and the cause of the painful moments. He had no will to make us part of this sadness, but his fate was unpredictable as well as the plans of his murders.

Eid refuses to understand the fact of losing his father so early. He does not want to believe that his father was killed…………..

                                   

                                                                                     To be continued.........

العبرانيون وموسى

بدأت المدينة تفقد رونقها شيئا فشيئا , لم تعد تلك المدينة التي عبرها العبرانيون حين أمر موسى (عليه السلام) اثنين منهم أن يذهبوا ليتحروا أخبار تلك الأرض  وطبيعتها , عاد الرجلين وبرفقتهما قطفي عنب كبيرين من عنب المدينة واللذان سيصبحان فيما بعد مطبوعان على عملة الشيكل الإسرائيلية  التي نستعملها  لنشتري خبزنا اليومي.

أصبحت المجمعات التجارية تغزو طابع المدينة الأيوبي والمملوكي. أصبحت كتلة من الفوضى المعمارية التي يراها البعض أنها بداية جديدة للتنمية الاقتصادية المرجوة من حكومة تسيير الأعمال. على ما يبدو أننا قد بدأنا نخلط الأمور بعضها ببعض , لم نعد نميز بين التنمية الاقتصادية والانفجار الاستهلاكي. إن جل ما نعيشه الآن من فوضى معمارية واقتصادية ما هو إلا انعكاس للانفجار الاستهلاكي الذي في طريقه للقضاء علينا تماما.

It was Written at March 16th, 2003

 

March 16^th, 2003

"Whenever you go and wherever you go, you hear the same statements "check out your ID card", "Do not forget to hold your ID card." Other wise you will be in a trouble, you might spend three hours or more on the checkpoint,  or you may spend your night in a near prison. If you want to go to bathroom, you must hold your ID card; maybe you face an Israeli soldier asking you about your ID card to make sure that you are a Palestinian citizen. If you want to eat in the kitchen, you must hold your ID card.

By the way, the Palestinians ID cards are the most ironical cards in the world. Before Oslo most Palestinians have had an orange ID cards , it was for People who are in Gaza and West bank , this color indicates that there is one authority which is Israel authority. There names were written in Arabic and Hebrew. People who are from Jerusalem hold a blue ID cards. After Oslo People who controlled by what is called the Palestinian authority changed their ID cards to become Green ID cards, but their names were written  in Arabic and Hebrew languages, both languages are Semitic languages. It is rare to have the two Semitic languages in the same official paper.  Why did they sing Oslo? Did they do so to see our names in ID cards written in Arabic and another international language, maybe English? I do not think that they wanted to keep seeing our names in Arabic and Hebrew. Oslo did not add anything to our IDs; it changes the color of it to embrace the people of Oslo.  Years later Oslo makers will discover that the color of those IDs is the same color of the resistance movement flag's, both are green. We always have the concept of double function.  I am talking about ID as if I have one. In fact, I do not have an ID card yet. In 2005 or 2006, I will   have one. I do not know the exact time, because I am not so interested in having this card, which will cause me many problems. My situation is not different from those who have Green ID cards. 
These days I am expecting everybody to tell me to hold my birthday papers to prove that I am Palestinian and live in that city. Whenever we go my mother holds our birthday papers, In case she has been asked for official papers for her five kids.  Sometimes I feel that we need an extra bag to put all these papers and ID cards.
My parents somehow seem illegal residents, their ID cards are still orange, I do not know why they did not get new green ID cards.  Anyway, it seems that I must train myself to hold  my ID card wherever I go. It is very difficult and silly to hold your ID card in you homeland just to prove for a group of strangers that you are Palestinian citizen. Those ID cards do not prove that we are Palestinians, for example, there are many Palestinians outside Palestine have no Green IDs but their soul is Palestinian more than mine is. I think that there is something else must be hold to prove that we are Palestinians; something more important than ID cards.  something worth to be hold wherever we go.

One day I heard my uncle says that" many Palestinians who live out-side Palestine are trying since Oslo to come to Palestine to have ID cards for themselves and their kids."  Do they really want to have that Green ID? Do they really want to see their names written in Hebrew? Do they really want to see the extremist irony in world whenever they look at their ID Cards?

 I do not understand politics so much, but I think that we must not have the logo of Palestinian authority with our names in Hebrew in the same card. I think that the Palestinian authority established to refuse the Israeli existence, and help us to get rid of Israel, not to help Israel to get into all aspects of our life even our ID cards. I do not understand why do we have this Palestinian authority, is it our local government or what? I hate to be like an idiot person. I live in Palestine and I still do not understand what is going on.   Am I a fool?  "

What I wrote on 23rd June, 2002

 On 23^rd June, 2002 I wrote the following random ideas in my diary, look how much things were  very simple in my point of view : 

"Sharon is still killing us. He is still invading Palestinian cities. We hear and discuss breaking news more than our personal issues. Our personal interests have vanished. We do not know if we will live for the coming few hours or not. The uncertainty is what we have and what we are talking about. For a while we stopped planning for the future. I stopped thinking about the new handbags and the colorful stationary. 

I am trying to understand why there are Gaza and West Bank, why they are separated as such. What I have understood till this moment is the following:

1- People who live in Gaza are Palestinians; they lost their land and houses in 1948.

2- They are humans and deserve to live their life in their original houses with great mount of dignity.

3- They are our brothers and sisters, they care so much for us, which means that we have the same blood and origins.

May be in future I will be able to understand other things about Gaza ,  but till now I am satisfied for what I found about people in Gaza.

In news always I hear people say West bank and Gaza. I do not know why they do not say Palestine; it is easier to say Palestine rather than saying West bank and Gaza. Even on maps we see that there are Israel, West bank, and Gaza. Where is Palestine?  We started using West bank and Gaza instead of Palestine. Are there any plans to make people forget Palestine? May be there are some political games, but I can not understand those strange and complex games.  "