لأنني أعيش في وطن شامي الهوى ,,,لا أدري بأي لحظة قد أفقد حياتي، أوحياة أغلى ما في الوجود " والدي وإخواني" .... يوماً ما سيعلو صوت المضطهدين في الأرض وسنحتفل بتحرير الوطن من الإحتلال الإسرائيلي
Palestine belongs to someone. I do not who is that one. Israelis are transients . Palestinians became strangers, they started to give up and lose their connection to Palestine. Must be there someone deserves Palestine and takes care of it better than Palestinians and Israelis.
That one is the Palestinians themselves. They deserve it under some conditions. The once we put off the masks that Israel gave us, Palestine will belong to us. Are we ready to put off these masks or do we need a hundred year to realize the ugly truth? We are guilty; we contribute in losing what has left for us.
One day, suddenly, I realized that I live in Middle East. I do not know if being of Middle Easter is good thing or not. I feel it is good thing, since I can be exposed to all kinds of Political hypocrisy.
What a Middle East!!! Some times I feel that I live in a place out of the galaxy.
In Middle East I live. In Middle East Palestine is existed.
One day, one of teachers at university told me that I must not show y feelings in my writings, other wise I will face a lot of troubles in my life. I wonder why most people are afraid from showing their feelings in their writings. For me, my writings - (or my fragments as some people like to call it) -are the only place where I can express all what I feel freely, with out being afraid of the unexpected consequences. By the way the unexpected consequences became one the main features of our life in Palestine.
Palestine and Middle East seem for some people as the main cause of problems in the world. From political point of view may be it is more complicated or less complicated. I say that because I am not a political scientist to examine the real status of Middle East in this sophisticated world.
In that Middle East you feel that you have to fight to keep your identity. Some may say which identity are you talking about? Do you have an Identity? I would say that I have an identity, and I must fight to keep it. I am not talking about my Palestinian Green ID card. I am talking about the fact of being an Arab girl at least.
One of my problems is that I do not feel comfort right now in Palestine. I used to say that Palestine in my First and ever Homeland, but later things started to fall apart, so I started to say that Palestine in my First and last home, but not the current. Unfortunately some people like to interpret the last statement in a way fits their moods. This reading leads me to be in a critical situation with those who do not know how to read the letters that are existed between lines. In Middle East is very possible to be misunderstood all the time.
In 8th August, 2010 i wrote the following Kharbashat,
I would like to thank my comparative literature class teacher (Dr. Adel Al-Atawneh) for giving us a chance to read Chinua Achebe's novel Things Fall Apart. Since reading this novel I started using the title as a description for situation in Palestine. I do not mean only the political situation since I do not like any aspect of our False Palestinian Politics. Every thing falls apart, even my daily schedules. Things fall apart in a rapid rate; we need at least five strong earthquakes to make things fall apart. But in my country we used something else stronger than earthquakes to make things fall apart. I feel sad for this situation, but I am not going to cry. I am going to talk more and more about these miserable contradictions.
When I switch on the T.V on Palestine channel I feel that I am living in a place out of the galaxy. I do not know from where I got this strange feeling, but I like it . This feeling makes me away from the endless contradictions in our life. Recently the developmental projects in our land became more than the massacres that Israel carried out. I wish to know why MR. Fayyad insists to open sport centers and rehabilitee the roads which Israel forced us to cross. For example, last week he was in Hebron to open a new sport center which coasted about a million dollar according to HebronMunicipality reports. Every body was happy, I do not know why people were happy while we do not play or have strong connection to sport. I wish to have an answer to my new question. Why do we build a center coast a million dollar while we can not offer all people in the city with their needs of water?
Do water supplies need less than million dollars to be offered? Or, sport centers are more important than water supplies?
It is the land of contradictions; every thing is possible to happen.
"I do not know what's going" …..This is my famous statement. I always say this statement when I do not know or I do not understand what's going on. In fact I do know and do understand what's going on, but I do not know how to express how much I am shocked. I am always shocked because finally I realized that I live in Palestine, not the holy land as some people like to call it.
I do not feel comfort in my home, for example, I am not courage enough to make a revolution. The only place I can make my own revolution is my computer.
May be it is very complicated, or may be I am the one who complicates things. Every negative thing is possible to happen in Palestine. I used to say that Palestine is my first and last homeland, but not the current. I stopped mentioning this statement because many people understood it negatively.
I am a passive person. Passive in my love to Palestine, I do not like to participate in the national festivals, holding the banners and keep saying some silly slogans like parrots. (My dear parrots I am so sorry for using you in negative context. But you are the only birds that can talk, Also a lot of people in my country trying to imitate you. In my people behave; I do strongly apologize for this irresponsible Imitation and stealing your copy rights of imitation.)
Since 1948, we did not do any thing positive to please Palestine, thus Palestine started to punish us. The right reaction of this punishment is to stop asking why Palestine punishing her children, because we are not children any more. We are adults, we have minds, and thus we are responsible of every small step we take.
I graduated in May, 2010. I am extremely lazy person; I did not make any attempt to join one of Mr. Fayad's ministries to work. I am unemployment person. I am comfort right now, Anne Frank said "lazy is attractive, and work is satisfied." I do not want Mr. Fayyad to be part of my work satisfaction.
Well, I am not lazy, but some one forced me to be so. I do not want to join the governmental system in my country, not because it is very corrupted, but also I do not want to be part of that corruption.
It is my first blog. Usually people do not know what to write or what to say in every first step in their life, but they are always sure that they know what they are going to do next days. I am a girl; I like the fact of being a girl. My mother language is Arabic; I use English language a lot these days because I feel that I am not strong enough to use my Arabic language to express what is in my little mind. On the other hand, I am afraid in using Arabic in wrong context, thus I do harm my mother language. Whenever I feel that I must use Arabic I will do that.
Kharbashat is what I do when I need to understand what's going on a round me. It is a kind of writing fragments as some people like to call it. But I feel comfort with my Kharbashat. I express what I feel, without being afraid of any expected obstacles.
